


If You Go

by Gio_hannigram



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Song fic, Will Loves Hannibal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 07:43:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6845575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gio_hannigram/pseuds/Gio_hannigram
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“My soul will miss your imperfect personality that drives me to despair and I want more and more.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Go

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my Nigel for editing this.
> 
> Any other mistakes are my own because I moved a few things.

Will was walking home. _His home._

He had an armful of shopping bags from his trip to town and now that he was going home he was trying hard not to feel nervous and anxious anymore. It had been a long time since he went out on his own, about four years, but Hannibal´s stock was empty now and he was trying to remember how long he did this and other things alone, before Hannibal.

 He was used to Hannibal´s presence beside him and Hannibal´s voice chatting about something that fascinated him like a new artist he found out, a highly recommended book, a new dish he wanted to try out; to Hannibal´s hands finding their way to his lower back or just his arm around Will´s; to be honest he even missed Hannibal´s comfortable silence as they made their way home.

_ How maddening it is to live with reason on your side. _

_ That you hasten me toward the end of what hasn't begun. _

_ But I have imagined _

_ the bed empty on your side. And no! _

__

_ If you go, what will my life be? _

_ If you're not here, my soul will miss _

_ your imperfect personality _

_ that drives me to despair and I want more. _

_ If you go, what will my life be? _

_ If you're not here, my soul will miss… _

__

The song was playing loud at Will´s last stop calling his attention with the loud choirs & cheerful voice of the singer, which were calling everybody´s attention to be honest but then Will listened the end of the choirs sealing the song to him. _“Your imperfect personality that drives me to despair and I want more and more.”_   And now he couldn´t get it out of his head. Much less with the annoying feeling of how much he identified with it. He wasn´t the type to identify with songs and listen to them over and over again, but this particular one seemed to make itself home into his mind.

He started to recall the lyrics and his mind started to tie the knots. Yes, it felt familiar.

He remembered their last hunt, how Hannibal had told him: “ _The head is hanging Will. It´ll fall down and ruin it if you don´t fix it.” Will had rolled his eyes and kept tying the upper body of their victim. “I already checked it, it´s going to be fine.”_

_“Double check it.” Hannibal had said. They had bickered with one another and when the head fell to the ground Will had left out a deep sigh and had been about to hit himself in the face until he heard Hannibal´s chuckle._

_“I believe the right words would be “I told you so.” Will had stared at Hannibal and the fact that he had been listening to Hannibal´s smug teasing lines about being right and having reason for a long time now and yet that had been the first time he had dared to say that one line to Will, so normal and carefree as Hannibal´s tune had been, justified how he stared at him like he had grown a second head. They both had chuckled then and Will had left the head there in the floor in favor of kissing Hannibal senseless._

Now he was rolling his eyes, a smile forming on his lips; as maddening as it was sometimes, reason seemed to always follow Hannibal for better or worse.

As he walked a corner, a man was cracking his knuckles and Will´s smile became a grimace. Hannibal was frequently cracking his knuckles and Will was pretty sure he did it on purpose once he realized how much it annoyed him; the asshole.

 _Oh the nail biting_. The first time it happened Will couldn´t believe it, big terrifying Hannibal was biting his nails. Well, more specifically the one from his middle finger on his left hand. Yes, Will had paid attention because it was just so strange that someone like Hannibal would do it, but he did it every time he was into deep thought about certain recipes, which for Will didn´t make sense and for some reason it made him feel annoyed, sometimes he just wanted to go and take Hannibal´s hand away from him.

As he got closer to their porch and the wind made his long curls fall in his eyes, Will rolled his eyes again. Hannibal´s obsession with his hair, always trying to smooth it back and have it in perfect shape even in the most inconvenient moments. And his obsession with _Will´s_ hair.

Once he had suggested he should cut his hair too. Hannibal’s face had been _murderous._ Will shuddered just remembering it.

He reached for his key and realized he hadn’t brought it.

_“Be careful when you go out.” Hannibal had warned._

_“I´ll be fine!” Will had screamed as Hannibal left **that** day._

It felt like it had been yesterday.

_“You´ll probably forget your key. I´m leaving a spare one under the roses by the second window.”_

Yeah the dick had been right. Angry with himself for proving Hannibal right even if he wasn´t there to be smug about it or worst tease him, Will just couldn´t help the sensation of annoyance at Hannibal having reason again. Not even knowing that Hannibal had realized how anxious Will had been the previous days, specially that day, the worry he had tried to hide about Hannibal going out of town and knowing how dangerous it could be.

“What am I even doing? it´s not like is even the same day.”  Will walked inside their home with his heart aching and called out an “I´m home.” Only to feel awkward when no response came and he remembered he was completely and utterly alone now.

“Well at least I don´t have to worry about any smug annoying commentaries on the key.” Will reassured himself somewhat bitterly as he made his way to the kitchen.

“I get to eat a decent fish for once in what feels like decades.” Will muttered as he put out the ingredients he had choose for his dinner.

Trying and failing to make himself believe his own words.

Will had cooked in silence feeling a strange sensation that only got worse when he realized he had been expecting Hannibal to pass him the salt, only to remember he was cooking alone again.

It had been a long time since that happened and a few days on his own had not make him used to it yet.

“It´s not good enough, it needs salt and I knew I left it too long. Now it´s overcooked.” Will said out loud, staring at his food.

“Is good Will, you wouldn´t like it if you had put it out early.” Will looked up and he could see Hannibal clearly, sitting in front of him eating his overcooked fish with gusto.

“You never complain about my cooking.” Will whispered. “You never truly complained about it.” Hannibal just smiled at him. Will could feel the wetness in his eyes. Closing them and taking a deep breath Will kept eating, looking every once in a while to Hannibal, knowing very well it was not the real one in front of him. That it hadn´t been him for several days now.

After washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen Will walked tiredly at his room falling onto the bed face first as soon as he was close enough.

He stared for a long time at the still empty space beside him, at Hannibal´s pillow.

Closing his eyes tight Will tried to sleep. Hours later by the time Will was dreaming about what could be their next hunt, Hannibal´s pillow had made its way under his arm as he hugged it tight as he had done every night for the past weeks.

 

 Will walked out of the bathroom the next morning, trying to ignore the feeling of embarrassment when he saw the pillows, remembering how he had woken up hugging Hannibal´s pillow. Will sat in bed taking said pillow and thought about the things he had remembered the day before, the little things about Hannibal: the annoying fact that reason seemed to be on Hannibal´s side most of time, his annoying cracking knuckles, his nail biting, his perfectionism, his stupid hair, his way of complaining about everybody´s else cooking manners but Will´s, the way he always let´s Will pick up their victims without complaint or how he always tries to make Will give his best when creating his art.

Will chuckled, it had come to the point where he looked at those little even silly things as annoying, the murder and cannibalism had become part of who he was as much as Hannibal and he wasn´t even feeling guilty for not caring to care about it.

Will stared at Hannibal´s empty side of the bed and he thought about it staying like that, always being empty.

About Hannibal being gone and sleeping as alone as the nights before every night.

“No.” Will swallowed hard, his chest aching and the hair prickling on the back of his skull. “No.”

The door of the house opened and Will let the pillow go and ran down the stairs.

Hannibal was entering the house with Encephalitis. Will´s heart was pounding fast as he got nearer; his eyes shined bright and he yelled “I missed you so much.”  Then gave Encephalitis a gentle hug.

“Oh I´m sure your heart missed _him_.” Hannibal said, although he sounded jealous Will could see the sweet smile in Hannibal´s lips. They stared into each other eyes for a few seconds as if trying to assimilate that the other was real.

“Of course.” Will stopped Hannibal from going upstairs when their eyes finally parted and he moved to go and kissed him for a long time, pouring all his emotions into it, hoping and knowing Hannibal would understand.

“I truly missed you.” Hannibal hugged Will carefully as not to smash Encephalitis between them. “My light.” Hannibal caressed Will´s cheek looking him in the eye and the way he looked at him made Will know he hadn’t been the only one finding it hard to sleep alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I´m not actually that happy with this fic but it´s my first try at some kind of song fic so.
> 
> Anyway I love to have these two caring for each other even if they are in denial sometimes.
> 
> KUDOS or comments are very welcomed!


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